Live your life forward
Looking backwards, fretting what could have been or what has been lost, is draining energies and holds you back to live your life in the here and now. My cancer journey has been enlightening in this regard and asking myself "Why me?!" has really never disturbed me.....You wonder why? Well, it's worth remembering:
1. Tough times never prevail.
When you are in the middle of turmoil or when you find yourself rock-bottom, it's helpful to remind yourself that every storm passes, that you just need to keep going and carry on. I love the saying, "When it's dark, look for the stars. When it rains, look for the rainbows." It makes me smile and encourages me to get through the tough times.
2. The past cannot be changed.
how often do we fret about the past! How often does the "what if" come up....crazy. Let's face it: what's done is done. Instead of going in circles, it's worthwhile to move on, reflect honestly what went bad and what went well. And then take away the learnings to make better decisions in the future, to create better outcomes.
3. Everyone's journey is different. everyone has so unique talents, strengths, weaknesses, interests,... that I try to refrain myself consciously from judging. There are so many ways of leading your life, so many cross-roads that lead down different alleys, ... so it's only fair to accept the different life journeys while staying true to your values and beliefs. And if you try to influence someone else's journey, make sure that loving care is the driving force ;-)
4. Opinions do not define your reality. An opinion is sometimes presented like the "holy truth" but actually it's just a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. So it's good to check oneself and also others when it comes to the opinions that are expressed and do a challenging reality check.
5. There is no failure, only learnings.
Some people are really good in torturing themselves about things that did not turn out as expected, about results not achieved,...my underlying sentiment is always that I try my best. And so, if an outcome is not as good, as great, as shiny as expected, yes, I am disappointed and frustrated but not for long. My strong, genuine resilience turns very quickly my thinking towards, "what can I do better next time, what have I learnt from this?"
That's why I also do not use the words "failure" or "problem" but consciously use the words "challenge" and "opportunity".
Last but not least: Everyday you can make a change for the better.
I believe that there are no dead-ends in one's life journey but always cross-roads that lead down different alleys. And if you realize that you do not like the alley you chose, then there is always a chance - like on a street map - to turn around or take another left/right to course-correct. Like a car driver, do not wait for someone else to take over the stirring wheel.... just take action yourself and course-correct.
